Shades of Love

Girls we all have that one pair of amazing sunglasses, or (sunnies) if you call them that.
No matter how many glasses we have, we have the ONE’S!!! Well I have found my Favorite pair. They are called Harlow and they are in black. they are so amazing. I love the shape, the color, and the quality is amazing. they are very sturdy sun glasses. i love everything about them. Where can I get these!? you may be asking well….
Let me Introduce to you an amazing bussiness with a heart warming story. Subsidy shades. This bussiness was started by Melissa and her Husband Robert. They became a family through adoption, and as we may all know adoption is very expensive. so Melissa thought of an amazing idea to sell sunglasses. Not only that, they were able to purchase a home for their daughters adoptive birthmother and her children. How beautiful is that!!!!! and great news is they are adopting a beautiful baby boy this year. When you purchase a pair of Subsidy shades you are helping to make dreams reality and to make beautiful families. Subsidy shades not only helps Melissa and Robert with their adoption but to so many other families as well. How amazing is that! Sharing that love through one purchase at a time. Go check them out!!!!! http://www.subsidyshades.com

Ofcourse I Have Faith!!

Sitting on my couch and just taking time to read and study. I came across the story of Thomas, you remember “Doubting Thomas” or atleast that’s how they named him in my sunday school class. Well you remember in the Book of John 20:24-29. The Diciples had told Thomas that they had seen Jesus. But he says “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” so then Jesus finally appears where the Diciples were with Thomas, and he asks him to put his finger on the wounds of his hands. and when Thomas does that he finally believes and says  “My Lord and my God!”vs:28. Then Jesus replys which is a very important verse that made me evaluate myself.  “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”vs:29.  wow!! When I think about the part he says “blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed” I began to te think the way I was believing in Him and in His Word. I began to tie it in to my Faith through this Journey of infertility , have I really been living in Faith? or was I a doubting Thomas?.

I’ve always said I had Faith that God was going to one day bless us with a child. but then I would find myself complaining, and doubting if He could really do it. As harsh as that might sound. I would always pray and cry out to God “Lord please I believe in you and I know you can bless us” he would answer by speaking to me through his word, or my pastor and even a prophetic word. I would receive it and thank him. but then the following day I would be crying and asking again why it hasn’t happened why was it so unfair. I wasn’t living in the Faith that I so passionately said I had.

I remember in one ocassion I visited California. I invited my parents out to eat and I began to ask them why I wasn’t able to conceive, why was I chosen to wait. How come the couple at church married less than a year got pregnant before me. crying and slobbering like a big baby (honest truth)lol. My dad turned to me and said “EVA!! do you believe that God can heal you and that he will give you a child!??” I quickly replied YES!!! of course I do!! then my dad (spiritually slapped me) and said “Then why are you complaining and still asking why?” I kind of gave him the “HUH?” kind of look. where you don’t know what just happened. and he said “why are you still asking for a blessing when God already has it for you? you should be believing in Faith that He is going to do what He says He is. If you were really believing you wouldn’t be worried about it. you would have that Faith and Hope that no matter if it seems like it will never happen. you believe it is going to happen. it may not be in you time, it may not come as you would like. but will he bless you yes he will”

After I left all he said kind of lingered in my mind through out the whole day. I even had a little argument in my mind saying “how dare he say i don’t have faith. I believe God will answer my prayer” But then that sinking feeling in your heart began to happen when you realize, you haven’t been doing what you said you were. It finally hit me!!!! I began to think about stories in the Bible that spoke about Faith. Remember the story about the centurions soldier. Matthew8:5-13 When the soldier told Jesus about his servant at home, and he says these words “Lord, I am not worthy to have you come under my roof, but only say the word, and my servant will be healed”. His Faith spoke volumes to me. He believed that just by Jesus saying his servant would be healed he would. He didn’t need a physical evidence, or need Jesus to go to his home. He believed in His words. even Jesus was amazed at the centurions Faith saying. “Truly, I tell you, with no one in Israel,have I found such faith”. 

I began to think of myself so many times I have read my bible and God has spoken to me through scriptures. He has spoken promises to my heart. My God promises that there would be no barren women, He promises Healing. He even tells us that if we knock the door will be answered. Time after time in the Bible you find stories of women who couldn’t have children and God opens their wombs and heals them. and even so I was still doubting. I wasn’t believing in His word, in His promises.

But I can say that now I am. it has taken along time to get to this point, of truly living in Faith. and even though I may not see it physically, I don’t see a period for months, I’ve never Ever seen a BFP(positive pregnancy test), I’m the only one at church with no kids. I still believe that my miracle is ready and will arrive when it’s time. I don’t want to be like Thomas, I wan’t to believe in Faith, and even though I may not see it, I still believe.

I’m not praying for a miracle anymore i’m thanking God for that miracle. Something that my dad always told me was “Why pray and ask for something God already knows, and he already has for you. Why not thank him for that blessing you are waiting on” My dad is smart lol. That’s what we are doing now, thanking God everyday for our blessing that will soon come. and the best part is no matter how that blessing arrives it will be great. a lot of times Gods gifts may come a little different than we may expect, but It’s still a blessing from him. 

If our child arrives through Biological or Adoption. It is still the child we have been praying for. 🙂

Infertility is a harsh journey and my heart breaks for all the women going through this tuff journey. a lot of times it may hinder our relationship with God. just remember he loves you and he hasn’t forgotten you, you’re blessing will soon come and I know all the pain and tears will be worth the wait. these 5years of Ttc have been hard but I know God will use my story to help other women going through this and to keep believing in faith. ‘even though we may not see it, we still believe”

i’m praying for you.

His plans are always better

Hello There Beautiful. (Yes You!!!)

Happy Tuesday everyone. Well I know it’s been a decade (not really) since I last posted a real entry to my blog. But here I am finally doing it!.

As you read by the title, I will be writing today about Having Faith, and knowing to trust in God that he knows His plans for us. I will be the first to admit that I have major Control issues!. I remember listening to Carrie Underwoods “Jesus take the wheel” when it first came out, OH Yeah that was my shower jam haha. But I would find myself singing this song and praying to my Father and asking him to take control of every aspect of my life. But in all honesty I wasn’t really living what I was praying about. In certain circumstances when I felt God speaking to me regarding ttc, leading me to just wait and give him my complete trust. I found myself taking that control back and trying to do things my way. I felt like “I knew better” but we all know where that leads us. Every time I would try and follow my path I would reap sadness, bitterness, and disappointment. Questions would clutter my mind, and doubt would sink in.

I don’t know about you, but I believe God sometimes needs to give us those spiritual slaps in the face. Which I appreciate so much, because it always comes in time when I need it the most. Studying through His word I would come across verses that literally would have me saying “Oh my Lord i’m so sorry”. Because I would realize that I wasn’t letting God have control of every aspect of my life. I would say i was letting Him but I really wasn’t.

It says in: Proverbs 19:21 (ESV) “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”

As I said i have control issues so I plan everything. Growing up I had already planned that I was going to be married by 20, and that I was going to have my first child at 24. I mean my mom had my older sister young, and my older sister had my first nephew young to. So I always said that I was going to be a young mom. But I turned 18,19,20 and sure enough 22 and I was getting very impatient. I would cry and speak to God about why i wasn’t married yet, was I going to be alone for ever?. But reading that verse He spoke to me and reassured me, that I may have plans but His plans are always better for my life. I listened and followed, and sure enough at 23 I was Married to my wonderful husband. It may sound cheesy but God blessed me with the most amazing man in the whole wide Universe!!! He was worth the wait and I love my blessing.

Now going to Ttc once we were married we quickly began trying to have a baby, Long story short 5years and nothing. All these years have been filled with heart ache, disappointments, bitterness and sadness. I have had my days where I would begin to question God again and cry to him asking “Why Father why do I have to wait and others don’t” my whole ttc journey has been a tough battle between myself and God. I was stubborn, I whined and I doubted, but through it all God was just trying to teach me to trust in Him and to give him my all. I couldn’t see it then but in the past few months He has been working in my life like you wouldn’t believe.

He has been speaking to me through His word, and through people. I remember at a church service at the end. they asked everyone who was believing in a miracle to pass to the altar. they asked us just to speak to God in our own words and just let everything out. I broke down and I couldn’t contain myself. i began to tell him how sorry I was, and how I was tired of living my life wanting to have full control. So that day I told him “I give you my all Father, you bee the pilot of my life” that instant the pastor began to pray for my womb and as he laid his hands on my stomach. I felt a warmth and this peace in my heart, He prayed over me and said “don’t ask, but believe that he has healed you. God has opened your womb. just seek him first above anything” and I instantly new that it was confirmation from my Father.

Jeremiah29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Since that day I’ve seen Gods Love in every single aspect of my life. I feel at peace knowing that He has control, and that he knows His plans for me. Many times we may not like His plans but trust me that It will all work out for our good. He is so amazing and will never let us down, He will give us the strength to keep going even when we feel like giving up.

His promise to us Isaiah41:10 

“Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

I know this blog post was so long. but I just wanted to share what God has been doing in my life 🙂 If you read my last post my Husband and I Had been feeling a tug in our hearts to Adopt. we both spoke about it before we were married. But recently we both felt that God was leading us to Adopt, little reminders while browsing a website, or speaking to people. I remember I was praying about our decision to Adopt and late at night I couldn’t sleep and I came across a profile on Instagram and I clicked it thinking it was just a blogger I would like and sure enough she had gone through the adoption process and I read her blog. Her entry was a confirmation to me. He has shown us little by little and with a lot and i mean ALOT of prayer and seeking pastoral Advice. We have decided to begin the Foster-Adopt journey. we are more than Happy, excited. Our hearts are soo thankful to our Father for guiding us and showing us that His plans although we may not like it or complain always no matter what always end with amazing things. and here we are on this new Journey.

I will update a lot more on how our process goes keep us in prayer 🙂

Love you Girls 🙂

Hello Family and Friends Big News.

WE ARE ADOPTING!!!!!

There are many ways to create or build a family. we have chosen to build our family through foster care. every year 250,000 children enter the foster care system. currently nearly 200,000 of those children are waiting to be adopted.

MANY of you know that Bryant and I, have been wanting to start a Family for many years now.
It’s been a difficult journey and we are still hoping to be able to conceive naturally one day.

We are here to announce that we have decided to Foster-adopt!!!!!

The Lord has always placed it in our hearts to adopt since we were younger, and before we even got married. It’s been tugging at our hearts lately and we Have prayed and still are praying that our Father guides us and leads us through this whole process. That his name be glorified and we will be doing his will and not ours. A scripture that has been coming to mind since we began to even think about adoption is:

James 1:27
Religion that God our Father
accepts as pure and faultless
is this: to look after orphans
and widows in their distress
and to keep oneself from being
polluted by the world.

it’s a scripture that I find myself running in to everyday. My heart has always been to Help and love others. I believe I get that from my parents, and they will agree that even when I was younger I always had the heart for adoption. Even if it was bringing random stray animals from the streets to care for haha! I was a weird child. But looking back at that I knew that God had always placed that Love for others in me.
Now we want you all to understand that we are NOT and i repeat NOT giving up on trying for our own child. we know and believe that God has blessed us and our baby will arrive in His perfect time.
So we are still praying and believing in that.
But what a Beautiful thing to do, while we wait we can be an answered prayer to a child.
I believe the same way Bryant and I long to have our own child to love and take care of,
theres a child waiting to be loved and accepted and we want to be those to love them and keep them safe.

If God decides to bless us with a child this way, we would be so happy.
we just pray that whatever Child he chooses for us. we will be prepared and ready to love them unconditionally and be a blessing to their lives.

we Love you all and thats why we decided to only tell you guys because you mean a lot to Bryant and I, and we know we can count on your support.

We ask that you pray for us on this new journey that we will be taking. Our process for licensing will start soon. we would also appreciate if you would let us know anyone giving away baby items from 0-2yrs old. we would love to take those of their hands to help us prepare for our little ones that will be staying with us. and Hopefully one of them will be our future Child

Thank you so much we love you all…

Love
Bryant and Eva
(Our family will be growing soon)

Our Journey

Hello Ladies.

Well I finally decided to write my own blog. Never thought I would but I decided mainly because I feel like it would help me in the healing process. Many of you know me as Edensbeauty from Instagram and many of you will probably not know me but I want to welcome you and thank you for taking the time to read my blog 🙂 well here goes my story through Infertility.

Well my Dh Bryant and I have been married for 41/2years. It has been the best years of my life by his side. Our story began really quick not many know I met him on line through a chat room. didn’t really pay much attention to him when he first sent me a message. I didn’t like guys with mickey mouse obsession haha! jk. So we talked that same night till 4am and he asked me out. the following day we went on  a date, i Still remember what we ate chicken tenders, and he had chilly cheese fries I loved his smile. He had won me there i knew he was the one. From that day forward we were inseparable spending every day together that we could. well that was in january we decided to marry by court in October joined by my family. It was magical I knew that this man was sent to me by God. My best friend, My supporter, My everything. Well we decided to start a family right away.

I don’t know about you girls but I remember in high school being thought “don’t ever engage in sexual relationships you will get pregnant”. Well that idea stuck with me through out my whole teen and adult life. I knew i was irregular since i was younger but never really thought it would affect us. So when we decided to start a family we really thought it would be that easy. We had fun trying and hoping that the next month we would be parents. We would even begin to name our future babies and plan out how we would raise them and what they would be like. Well the next month I took a test just for fun and i came back negative well my first reaction was, ok maybe next month we will get lucky. Well month after month we tried and negative after negative came our joy was beginning  to die out. It now felt as if we were just following a routine instead of something fun.

In 2010 I began to feel a sharp pain in my stomach I couldn’t sleep at night, I couldn’t lay on my stomach or even be touched on my lower abdomen. It went on for weeks with the same pain. I finally went to the doctors and they found an ovarian cyst 16cm long. it was huge!! they decided to operate me. I had the operation they were able to just do a laparoscopy and do 4 small incisions. I was relieved but from that I received horrible news I went to my post op appointment, and was diagnosed with Pcos which the doctor explained to me why I was so irregular and why i had the cyst and the weight gain and the excess hair (which i hate) and everything else. But what hit me the most is her telling me it would affect my chances of conceiving.

That day I went home crying my eyes out to my husband because till that day Infertility never crossed my mind. My mom had 6 kids got pregnant right away with all of us. my sister also pregnant right away. I would never imagine that I would be the one struggling to have a baby. It felt like someone ripped my heart out and stepped on it continuously. My world was over, and i did not know how to be happy anymore. I fell in to depression for a couple of months not wanting to talk or see anyone. the sight of babies or baby clothes would crush me. walking down the baby isle at my local target like i would always walk through was now a painful reminder of what may never happen. time and time again i would break down crying in the store having to walk out. I thank God my husband was there to help me through all of this. If it wasn’t for my DH i don’t think i would have made it through that tough time.

Well we spent the next months checking our selfs out. DH checked himself and he came out to be normal. Nothing wrong with his sperm count or anything wrong with him. So I knew that the cause of our infertility was because of me. That right there brought feelings of guilt and shame and feeling worthless. I felt like I had failed my husband not being able to give him our first child. It hurt and again i fell in to depression. Of course DH would comfort me and remind me that he didn’t care if we never had kids as long as it was just me and him. But in the back of my mind all I heard was “because of you now we will never be parents”. I knew he longed for a child I could see it in his eyes. I knew he was lying to me he really wanted a child. It took a toll in our marriage we were fighting constantly I was just so annoyed of him and would make any excuse not to be around him. But in reality all i wanted was to have him near me holding me and telling me it would be alright. I just couldn’t bare to see his face knowing that I had failed him as a Wife.

Years past and it’s been 41/2 years till this day. It has been an emotional roller coaster but we are now waiting in the Lords timing for our little miracle to come. But while we wait i’m working on losing the weight my doctor asked me to lose. and hoping to see what this year 2014 brings us. I can feel it coming soon. just have to remember day by day to take it slow and know that it’s difficult yes but IMPOSSIBLE? NO!!! with God all things are possible.